Rozia's G-Log

Day 170 Louish’s News

2008-07-25T01:07:00.000-07:00

Well that was fascinating!

Louish was as dramatic as ever.

First off, she greets me in a bright royal blue tunic covered in glittery sequins. It was an incredible outfit. It was all sort of rutched up with great pleats in the body of it and the sleeves as well. Mind you, it really suited her. And her make-up! I mean, I’m wearing make-up all the time now, but I try to do it so that it doesn’t show. But Louish! Long curly eyelashes. Thick eye-liner. Bright blue eye shadow that matched her tunic. A huge beauty spot. And lipstick so red it almost looked as if her lips were bleeding.

Then there was all her prodding and poking – trying to get things out of me. So much so that I ended up telling as much about Julien as I dared.

“Well, my dear,” she said. “You’re looking well. Any sign of any new romance?”

At that point, I blushed bright red.

“Ah, I see there is,” she said. “Well, do not fear anything form me, my dear. If that foolish grandson of mine can’t appreciate what is right in front of him, what’s offered o him on a plate, well then he’s even more of a fool that I thought.”

She stroked my hair and then gave me a huge hug I don’t know why exactly, but that set me off. I couldn’t hold back the tears. Was I still sad about Kaleem? Was I pleased she accepted the idea of Julien?

Maybe she defined it herself in the end.

She sighed. “I’m sure he’s a fine young man, whoever he is,” she said. “But he’ll take you away from our family I expect.”

The lunch was superb, of course. Louish is always so cheerful and she tells such funny stories. But as we had coffee afterwards she became deadly serious.

“I want to arrange a meeting,” she said. “A secret meeting. Between you and Razjosh.”

I couldn’t begin to imagine what Razjosh might want with me.

“Oh?” I said.

“Yes, he wants to discuss the whole switch-off thing with you.

“Oh,” I replied. I couldn’t think that that was going to be easy. He was so near to switch-off himself. “What does Elder Frazier think?”

“He’s all for it, my dear. In fact he’ll be at the meeting too,” she replied. “You will agree to it won’t you?”

How could I not? Louish is such a well-meaning person. I nodded my head.

“Great!” she said, and beamed.

The rest of the afternoon was lovely. We went for a walk together. And as usual, she told me such funny stories about what she and the other Elders’ attachments get up to. Despite this rather heavy task she’s landed me with, it always does me good being with her. I really can’t believe she’s a grandmother with an adult grandson.

Day 167 3520 Back to Reality

2008-07-22T00:32:00.000-07:00

Well, after those three wonderful weeks I’m now back to normal. Plenty of work. That’s going quite well, and I’m enjoying the routine of it all, though I do worry that the problems around switch-off are getting more difficult rather than getting solved.

I can’t believe we used to take it so much for granted. We all knew it was going to happen to us some time or other. Yet nobody’s ever discussed what it must feel like when it’s getting near. And nobody ever talks about whether they believe that something happens to you after you’ve gone. There used to be religions and people used to believe in a god and a place called Heaven. But we don’t have that sort of comfort any more. Yet some people believe in things like the Babel prophecy.

It’s funny. Murder is a crime. Yet we kill off people when they get old.

I know! I know! If we didn’t the planet would get too crowded. But other planets manage with natural deaths. Because they have illness and they don’t fear it.

That was what Kaleem was dealing with. He didn’t realise at the time that that was what the main problem was with the Z Zoners: they didn’t approve of switch-off.

We have another huge committee meeting next week. Well, we’ll see what happens.

Other routines are going on quite nicely. I’m seeing quite a bit of my kid brother and he’s doing fine. I’m going out with the girls two or three times a week.

I’ll be seeing Louish tomorrow. She reckons she has some gossip for me. Should be interesting.

And all the time, that underlying excitement. Will I hear from him again soon?

Day 162 Adventure

2008-07-14T22:50:00.000-07:00

Well, I’m sorry folks for not posting for a while. The truth of the matter is that I’ve been away. I’ve been away with a very special gentleman. Yes, you’ve guessed it: Julien. He turned up – out of the blue.

It was the day after the switch-off panel committee. I actually chose to walk home. It was one of those lovely mild, sunny almost summer days. The sun was very high and it was warm without being hot. A transporter stopped beside me and this very elegant woman asked me whether I would care for a lift. I didn’t recognise him straight away, but then there was something about the way she looked at me …. I just knew it was really Julien.

He / she had to keep the disguise up until we were well away from the Normal Zones. He took me to a Wilderness Area. Then he was able to take his disguise off and tell me what he could about what he’d been doing. He couldn’t tell me much, of course. Just that they were keeping him busy and that everything was still top secret.

But the Wilderness Area was another eye-opener. It’s not as wild as you would think.

We stayed on an island which used to be a very popular place for holidays before the poison loud came. It is now a place of rest and recuperation for top workers – of which Julien is one, naturally. It’s actually an old volcano – which looks as if it’s going to go off any minute now. But it’s incredibly beautiful. A lovely temperature – warm, but not too hot. We went swimming and we went for walks. There are some lovely walks there and fantastic scenery. It is amazing that everything has come back so quickly after the Poison Cloud was lifted. And we talked a lot.

The people there really looked after us well. They were just so kind and thoughtful. Everything was up to a really high standard. Wilderness Area seems completely the wrong name. But I guess that’s just another bit of Hidden Information.

And all that time off work? Arranged by Julien, naturally. He has quite a lot of influence, that young man.

Day 124 3520 Switch-Off Panel

2008-06-17T01:11:00.000-07:00

I went to the first Switch-Off Panel meeting. There were a lot of very grim faces. It’s a really tough subject. I suppose, also, everybody’s realising they’re going to have to face switch-off as well.

It is such striking thought .We take it for granted. They always told us on the schooling programme that it was a respectful end to a valued and useful life and it was the price we had to pay for the easy, comfortable time we had on Terrestra. It does sound all right in theory. But I guess when you’re facing it, when your time comes up, it must be terrifying. I can’t imagine not being alive. I guess that’s why people used to believe in heaven and God and things like that. So that they could hope we carry on after our body’s gone.

“We’ll have to limit birth,” said one woman. “Increase the Stopes programme.”

“No point!” replied another man. “The NIZers won’t live to switch-off age. Too much damage has already been done.”

“But what about their children?” asked someone else? “And what happens if they pair up with Normal Zoners? What happens then? The second generation are likely to be as healthy as Normal Zoners?”

Then I found myself speaking.

“Well, why don’t we go even further?” I said. “Why don’t we behave like every other planet and have contact from outside and allow illness back in, so that some people don’t last so long?”

“We couldn’t do that!” shouted one woman. “After all we’ve worked towards over the centuries.”

“Isolation and hositlity,” I muttered.

“Well, she would say that, Peace Child whore,” shouted somebody was.

Unbelievable that people like that are on this committee.

Fortunately the chair soon brought the meeting to order and was kind enough to say: “Mz Lawrence was actually asked to join this committee because of her excellent ability to empathise with two opposed factions. Anyone who is not comfortable with that should leave now and we’ll find a replacement.” Then he turned to me and smiled. “But we do have to take things slowly,” he said.

Gosh, was I angry, when I me the others at the Laguna.

“Good for you,” said Rosemarie. “You just show them!”

They were really sympathetic and they have started to think about the Switch-Off question. I don’t know that they really understand all of the issues, but even so.

Day 119 3520 Spice in My Life Again

2008-06-12T01:08:00.000-07:00

Yes, it’s exciting. Everything is exciting. My new job is superb. Later this week I have to go to the Committee on Alternatives to Switch-Off for NIZoners. A few of us have already started negotiating via dataserve messages. And at the bar last night we talked about what it would be like for everybody if we ditched switch-off. More and more people are against it now. But what I can’t work out is whether they’re prepared to put up with disease as a way of controlling population. A bit of a brutal way of looking at it, I know, but it is a reality. I’m getting so much chance to see these sorts of things now.

And it’s great having my kid brother on the block. We’re meeting up every now and then, when our work’s not taking us away. He’s doing well. He seems to have grown up such a lot. It’s done him good to get away from home, though he misses the countryside, I think. He’s actually a really nice sort of guy, even if he is totally disorganised.

And behind all of this that exciting feeling that any moment, Julien might contact me. And I ask myself, is he thinking about me? Is he missing me like I’m missing him? Before I go to sleep I think about him and as soon as I wake up, he’s in my head again. I remember what he smells like. He uses a very masculine body salve when he changes from being Mrs Kettle. I’m almost tempted to buy some to remind myself of him.

I suppose it’s called “being in love”. I’m sure my pulse is racing virtually all the time. This is far more dramatic than what happened with Kaleem. That was deep and sweet. This is sexy and exciting. The extra mystery is great. It gives me something to look forward to, something to get up for every day. It really is adding spice to my life.

Day 116 3520 Leaving the NIZ, Leaving Julien

2008-06-09T00:50:00.000-07:00

When I met Julien again, all the confusion about Kaleem dissolved. It is so strange – him being Mrs Kettle during the day. We worked together like the best of buddies. Then she would turn up at my door in the evening, go into my bathroom, be there about twenty minutes and then this gorgeous young man would come out.

He’s different with me now. He’s not the old jokey Julien. That was just a cover, I think. He’s a serious, strong, reliable, very sexy lover. It is different from the way it was with Kaleem. It’s a more mature realtionship. I can’t really compare them as people or as lovers and I won’t.

There is an edge to all of this. There is some excitement in the secretiveness of it. And I think I’m enjoying that. Goodness, it’s not as if things were all that quiet and peaceful with Kaleem. When we were in the Zone then, life was not exactly easy. But at least, I suppose, I was with him all of the time. With Julien there is a sense of grabbing a moment.

And now I’m back in the Normal Zone, and can’t know when I’ll see him again. He doesn’t know when he might get a chance to get back. When he’s not in the NIZ, he’s at the Citadel. That would be something, I suppose – to get into the Citadel. It’s not as if I can go to the Attachment’s Centre – our relationship is a secret. And I don’t know when I’ll be going back to the NIZ.

I felt a little sad on our last night together. But I don’t feel as clingy with him as I did with Kaleem. It’s adding to the excitement, not knowing when we can be together again.

I had an evening with the girls last night. I think they sensed something.

“You seem perky,” said Tandra. “What have you been up to?”

“Just glad to be back form the NIZ,” I said. Oh dear, I shall have to be careful.

But I think I like this. I really like this. I have my freedom to come and go as I please, and then the excitement of wondering if and when … I think I can understand those people who don’t settle with one attachment. Not that I’m thinking of taking on more than one lover at a time, of course.

Day 111 3520 Confusion

2008-06-05T11:11:00.000-07:00

I am so confused! I feel such tenderness towards Julien, but now to suddenly hear from Kaleem. I’m a little bit angry with him and a little bit sad. Why does he have to contact me after all this time? And it’s so creepy that he’s been reading my glog. So, he’s off the planet. Well, I guessed as much. I wonder whether he’s been in contact with Marijam or Louish? Has he told them where he is?

I’m not going to hurt Julien. I’m going to stay with him, see where that relationship leads. It doesn’t spoil anything I had with Kaleem.

Day 106 3520 Julien

2008-05-26T07:29:00.000-07:00

It’ definitely got more interesting in the N.I.Z. On a personal level, I mean.

The woman who winked at me caught me at the end of the meeting. Rita’s her name. She asked if we might meet up. There were some things she wanted to talk to me about. I agreed to meet her that evening. She invited me to eat in her home.

Well, it was a real cosy evening. They still have some way to go in the N.I.Z, but they’re getting there and it’s all the better for being a little lower tech. She cooked some really delicious food, without the help of any Autochefs or kitchen robots and told me that she thought there was still much work to be done on the Terrestran attitude. The fear of disease and contact with other people was all tied up with why the Z Zone became the Z Zone.

“This problem will not really go away until the Terrestrans are really willing to communicate,” she said to me looking very seriously.

Well, we had a good chat. I told her all about Kaleem and his work.

“That young man sure has his work cut out,” she said. “I can quite understand as well why he wanted you away form all the danger. “

She gave me a big hug. I was fighting back the tears and there was a terrible lump in my throat. Every time I think I’ve got over him something comes up and I realise just how much I miss him.

“But, yes, I know, it must hurt a lot,” she said.

She really seemed to understand.

Well, I agreed to meet up with her again today. We went for a long walk thought the NIZ.I showed her where Kaleem and I used to live. The place was all locked up. But amazing changes are happening. Everywhere is being modernised. Though there are still lots of echoes of the old Z Zone, it is really getting more comfortable.

Then we had an early dinner again. Rita and I seemed to get on really well. We could have been sisters. Or perhaps not. We get on too well for that.

“Look,” she said suddenly, looking very serious. “Can I come back with you to where you’re staying? There is something I really need to discuss with you in private.”

So, she came back to my place.

And then what a shock! She pulled her wig off and a membrane across her face.

“I’m sorry about this,” said a much deeper voice, “I really do have to speak to you.”

It still took me a minute to realise. But it was Julien standing there.

Well, I have to give it to him. He really does disguise himself well.

“Yes, they’ve sent me to the Zone,” he said. “I have to carry on from where Kaleem left off here. I have to do it as a woman. But there is something I have to let you know.” He took a deep breath. Then he took me in his arms.

“You do know, don’t you,” he continued. “That I’m madly in love with you. I want to look after you and comfort you. And I can’t bear it that you’re still so upset about Kaleem.”

I just let myself relax into him. It was so good to be held again and cherished.

Yes, I do think about Kaleem still, and I do feel sad that we’re not together. But I’m getting on with my life now.

“It’s not quite like that,” I managed to whisper.

“Oh you wonderful girl," he whispered, his voice all husky. He pulled me closer and I felt so at home.

It was me that started to kiss him. I did want this. It had been some time .Of course it was not going to be the same as with Kaleem, but I did want him. And he didn’t hesitate in kissing me back.

“I’d better go and get rid of Rita,” he said, making his way to my bathroom.

He didn’t take long and then he came back and we made love, three times.

At three o’clock in the morning he sighed and got up off the bed.

“I’ll have to go,” he said. “Can I see you again?”

“Of course,” I said. And I meant it.

Then he hugged me really tightly. “Oh, you just don’t know how long I’ve dreamt of this.”

He was very serious for once. I like him like that. I like him the other way too.

It took him a good twenty minutes to get Rita back into action and then we had to sneak her out of the building.

But oh my goodness isn’t my life changing now? And what secrets we all have to keep now. I’m relying on you guys.

Day 101 3520 Talks

2008-05-22T00:54:00.000-07:00

I got my marching orders today. I’m to go into the Zone and meet with their Chiefs. It’s interesting, actually, talking of their Chiefs. They don’t have a formal system like we do for selecting their leaders. They just wait and see who becomes a natural one. And all the time we were there, Kaleem and I, we never got to meet any of them, or really even know who they were. We did know that Narisja had been one when she was more lucid and that Ben-Mariah, the story-teller was much respected. He’s very frail now, but completely with it, unlike poor Narisja.

But anyway, today I went to an open meeting of N.I.Z.ers. Norman Handwood, the chief Chief, was in charge. He was quite an impressive man and very focussed. We talked about the problems of overpopulation that not having switch-off would cause.

“I don’t think we need to worry too much about that for this generation,” he said. “The damage can’t be repaired that quickly. Even with all the help form the Normal Zones, I’m guessing most people from here will die of natural causes long before switch-off time. Even the youngsters.”

I felt a really big lump in my throat. I’d really got to know some of those kids quite well.

“But you are right,” he continued. “We do need to think about the future.”

One of the N.I.Z.ers suggested we should think of sending more colonies out to unpopulated planets.

“Well, it’s a thought,” said Norman. “But it might only be pushing the problem out further.”

“Change the Stopes programme?” suggested someone else. “Limit the number of births even more?”

“How?” asked Norman.

“Vet who can reproduce? Limit number of children per family?”

“Oh yes?” someone else answered angrily. “Switch-off isn’t the only problem. That would be just as bad. What do you want? Designer babies? Policing who can have chidlren? That would wipe us out in one go.”

“We could be a bit less bothered about disease,” said one woman. “If we allowed disease back, but of course, still alleviate suffering, we could abandon switch-off for everyone.”

She caught my eye and winked.

No one seemed to know what to say after that.

But it seems to me that that is just a great big mirror. Switch-off is all tied up with us wanting to be disease-free, which makes us strangers to all the other planets, and here we are dealing with the strangeness of the N.I.Z. it’s all so complicated.

Day 97 3520 My New Mission

2008-05-18T07:37:00.000-07:00

What a day. My goodness, I’ve got my work cut out now. I met up with my supervisor today. It’s the first time we’ve had a private physical meet. It was three hours long, at that. She’s a funny woman, actually. Very smart, though. I mean both in the way she dresses and in the way she thinks. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s not made Executive soon. But absolutely no sense of humour at all. Deadly serious all the time. She has the most extraordinary eyes, too. Very oval, very large and very green.

She must have caught me staring at her because she said. “No, I’m not wearing a lens. My eyes really are that colour.” They are so bright! Such an unusual colour at that.

Well, I did get used to her amd I do have to give it to her. She was very patient. She took me out to lunch at the New Park restaurant. You know, the one at the top of the new tour in that new extension to the Reality Park. It slowly revolves all of the time. The views over London Dock are amazing.

But here’s the thing: she wants me to work with the New Integrated Zones – that’s the new name of the Z Zone – on the Switch-Off Contingency Plans. The idea is to try to make the Z Zoners see reason. As they get fitter and healthier we’ll have an aging population that will take up more and more of the resources.

“I’m not saying we need to convince them that Switch-Off is all right,” she said. “But they do need to be aware of the problem. We need to think of alternative ways of managing it.“

Well, I wasn’t very happy at first. So she stayed with me for hours. We were two hours over our lunch and then we went for a long walk in the park.

“There will be creative solutions,” she said. “One that no one has thought of and we’re sure you’re the one to find it.”

Then she sopped walking and looked straight at me. Those eyes! I’m sure she could read every single thought in my head.

“You are so good with the New Integrated Zoners,” she said. “You are the only person we have who has lived amongst them .We’d be relying on you.”

So, at that point I really felt that I had to go along with her.

I went to see Louish afterwards. I needed some of her common sense.

She looked very thoughtful when I told her.

“Well,” she said. “If you can find a creative solution for them might it not be one that we could all use?”

I guess she’s right. And I guess she’s thinking about herself and Frazier.

Well, if I can, I will. But oh heck! I now know what Kaleem and Julien are going through.

Day 91 3520 New Energy

2008-05-12T12:40:00.000-07:00

I really do feel liberated after getting in touch with my family again. That was a real breakthrough.

Rog actually came over today to look at some of the apartments near me. He’s going to move into studio one next week. I’ve promised Mum I’ll keep an eye on him and I’ve promised him I won’t fuss too much.

I feel lighter now and more energised.

I went out with the girls tonight. It really was good. We had a great chat and some pink bubbling nectar – it was Beth’s birthday. One of the droid waiters brought us some sea-food tasters. It was fun and these new friends are good company.

I actually also feel more content with myself.

I even managed to think abut Kaleem without feeling any hurt. He had his reasons for not wanting us to go on and I think I understand them. I respect him for that and I respect him for what he is doing, whatever it might be. I also think what I’m doing is fine, and I’m doing my best.

Amazingly, too, my work went really well today. I had a load of assignments come through from the Z Zone kids. They have all done so well. It is so encouraging to see them work like that.

My supervisor said that she was pleased with my work. When this project is over, they’re going to get me on to something a little more complex, she said. Though she was very mysterious about what it involved.

Julien has been in touch as well. He’s really getting into what’s going on in the Women’s Movement. Good for him – or should I say her?

It really has been so good today.

Day 85 3520 First Things First

2008-05-06T04:53:00.000-07:00

At least that was one thing about not being able to sleep the other night. I guess of all the things that were bothering me the most troublesome was thinking about my mother. That is something I have just not wanted to deal with.

I have good parents and I should be pleased. I have a good brother too, and there have been no secrets like there were in Kaleem’s family. I suppose it is a little quaint these days, living with both your mother and your father and a sibling and actually knowing who both of your parents are and any brothers or sisters. Poor Kaleem had the other extreme. He had no idea who his father was until he met Nazaret. And it turns out that he didn’t really know his mother either. But he’s still glad to have them. So, I ought to make an effort with mine.

I went over there today.

I’m glad I did.

They were all pleased to see me. They didn’t mention Kaleem once. And mother seemed genuinely interested in the Adulkis.

“So, you think they’re really happy?” she asked. “Do they understand what’s happened to them?”

“No, I don’t think they really do,” I replied.

“What about Sarah’s funeral?” she asked. “How did they cope with that?”

“They were bewildered,” I said. “They just couldn’t understand that she wouldn’t be there any more.”

I couldn’t help crying when I told her about the service. She was in tears as well in no time.

“You’re a fine pair,” said Dad. “What about if we all go for a walk in the New Woods? It’ll be a good old-fashioned family thing to do.”

So, we did.

We hired a private transporter and picked up Rog. He had a meet with his work and then we went straight to the New Woods. Actually, they live quite close to the woods. They moved out there a few months ago. Both of them are only working part-time now. They’ve earned enough credits to semi-retire. Rog will be leaving soon as well. He’s decided to try and get an apartment in my block. He has enough credits also. So, a good hard-working family I have.

The walk was lovely and then we went for a meal together afterwards. It was great. I was stupid not to do this before.

Do you know, I have decided I am rather fond of them in fact? I’m going to make a real effort to keep in touch. And I’ll keep an eye on my little brother as well.

I didn’t go out last night. It was quite an emotional day really. But don’t worry – I’m not slipping into my old depressive habits. I’m cool and I’ll stay that way.

Day 79 3520 Sleepless

2008-05-01T00:27:00.000-07:00

I couldn’t sleep last night. I just tossed and turned. My own fault, really. I thought I’d be good and lay off the nectar. But having coffee instead was not such a smart idea. That toffee cake as well, with all that sugar. No good at all. I’m sure that’s what kept me awake and then awake I really did start to wonder about everything.

· What went wrong between me and Kaleem?

· How much longer do the Adulkis have left?

· Is Julien all right?

· Should I try to see more of my mother?

· Will we really be able to get the Z Zone fully integrated?

· What’s going to happen about switch-off?

· Will Razjosh survive?

· How will it affect Kaleem if he doesn’t?

· What’s to become of the Adulkis?

· Will I be single forever?

· Am I actually falling for Julien and is he just as unreachable as Kaleem?

· But is Kaleem all right? Where is he? I really can’t stop caring about him.

· Am I really doing the work I should be doing?

· Should I go back to the Z Zone?

· Is all this socializing in nectar bars real?

I think I did finally drop off about two hours before it was time to get up. I hate that. You feel so groggy and it always makes me slightly depressed if I don’t get enough sleep. I’m sure we normally sort some of these things out while we’re asleep.

Definitely an early night tonight.

Day 76 3520 Progress on All Fronts

2008-04-28T07:43:00.001-07:00

I’ve only just got back form the Z Zone. I stayed a little longer in the end. I really am pleased with the groups I’ve been working with there. They’re are racing through the schooling programmes, enjoying the work and are really being very creative on all of the projects. I’m not sure whether I’m really the person to carry on there. They’re beginning to overtake me.

I spent some time with the Adulkis as well. I took a day’s leave so that I could stay a little longer. They are so bewildered about losing Sarah. They can’t understand death at all. Yet it was, in the end, quite easy to distract them. They do have this incredible sense of fun. It’s amazing to see them play. I think in the end it was their carers who needed cheering up the most. They all know this is probably the beginning of the end. Yes, Sarah was a little weaker than the rest, but there was less difference between her and the other Adulkis than there is between Adulkis and ordinary Z Zoners, let alone between Z Zoners and Normal Zoners. Death is natural in the Z Zone. It makes me think switch-off is really bizarre.

But there's news about that too. They’re talking of suspending all switch-offs for six months. They say it’s partly to let the newly integrated Z Zoners get used to it. But I also thing it’s to do with Normal Zoners also being less certain about it now. I wonder, though, how long people will live without it. And whether it will all be stopped in time for Razjosh to avoid it.

Julien has been in touch – sort of. I haven’t spoken to him, but he did send me a video clip of the new president of the Women’s Movement – Julienne of course. I just really don’t get why he has to take on that particular role and at the Citadel at that, though of course the president of the Women’s Movement is actually Marcia Lafarge and she is not living at the Citadel. All very confusing. I really do not understand what that was all about.

And I did meet the others at the Laguna Bar. There was a few days’ gossip to catch up on. Oh, it’s the same old, same old. But actually, I think they seem more grown-up than they used to be. It is good to actually have someone to talk to in the evenings. It is better than sitting at home in my lonely flat. But the real problem is, they haven’t had the same experiences as I have had. So they don’t really quite understand where I’m at.

Day 73 3520 Sarah’s Funeral

2008-04-24T00:50:00.000-07:00

Well, we’ve now been allowed to have Sarah’s wake. They did do an autopsy to find out exactly why she died. They also took the opportunity to find out more about how the accident made the Adulkis the way they were. They found out so much! I’m amazed at how good our meidcs have been at understanding that. You wouldn’t think they could after all those disease-free years. It must be all that work they’re doing with the Zandrian scientists. Who would have thought it? Terrestrans and Zandrians working together. Terrestrans and any other planetation for that matter.

The toxins from the Normal Zones were so bad that they caused brain damage, and also some damage to the other organs which partly explains why they aged so quickly. I don’t know enough about science to really understand it completely, but I do know that we must not let it happen again.

The funeral was so sad. The other Adulkis were so upset. They did understand that she wouldn’t be coming back, but they didn’t seem to understand that she had stopped living. They couldn’t grasp that.

They sang at her service. They really can sing well. I’m so glad we decided to teach them about music. Music does make them happy, and even on this sad occasion it seemed to be uplifting.

I cried buckets as did all their carers. And I was on my own, and I wished Julien had been with me. That’s right. Julien. Not Kaleem. That shocked me as well at first, but I think I wanted Julien more than Kaleem because Kaleem would have been also extremely upset. Julien would have been a better support. I only had myself in the end.

The sadness became almost unbearable as they lasered her coffin. They showed stills and played some sweet but solemn music. I don’t think I’ve ever had such a lump in my throat.

Such a shame that there had to be this sadness, because everything that's happening in the Zone is so positive. All Z Zoners now have intelligent housing. All households with children under eighteen have the very latest technology, so they’re actually better equipped than most Normal Zoners. They’re making so much progress, because they’re so used to managing with a lot less. It’ll be interesting to see them gradually take on powerful positions. I guess when I’m middle-aged I’ll be competing with Z Zoners – and they’ll probably be winning.

Day 68 3520 Social Animal

2008-04-19T04:34:00.000-07:00

I am a reformed creature. I went out the other night, just as I told you I would. I bumped into some of the crowd I used to go around with pre-Kaleem days. They knew all about me going off to the Z Zone with him. I think they’ve been dabbling in Hidden Information, but they wouldn’t admit it.

They used to read the Glog before I made it private. Mind you, they didn’t half complain about it being in Wordscript. The funny thing is, I don’t actually notice it. I can key it in really quickly now. I don’t notice the letters or even the words any more.

But anyway, I’ve now invited them in.

And they’ve invited me out.

They go to one of the nectar bars or to one of the holoscenes every evening for a couple of hours. Yes, they drink some nectar, but never enough to get out of control. Well, they can’t really can they, what with the way it’s rationed? That makes me feel even more guilty about Julien that time and the bubbling nectar. Okay, so now I know he’s on the right side. But how did he do it?

So, I’m going out with the girls everyday this week. It is good having some companionship. They’re a nice bunch, actually, and I had forgotten that. They’ve had their ups and downs too. Sophia and Ben-Alki Mazrouth have split up, too. He’s still doing the switch-off ceremonies and she says it’s making him too dull. Plus she’s also questioning whether we should have switch-off. Della has always been single and still is, though I think she flirts around a bit and has had some one-nighters. Marina’s man is working away from home. Renate just says she has “gone off men”. Jayne has also just split up with Thomas and Margiet has never had a boyfriend. She is actually a virgin and proud of it!

And interestingly enough, the main two topics of conversation were Razjosh’s switch-off and the integration of the Z Zoners into the Normal Zones.

So, they’re not the fluff-heads I thought.

It was nice being with them again. I’m going to get out as much as I can now.

Oh, Louish. You are always so right.

Day 65 3520 Life Goes On

2008-04-13T23:14:00.000-07:00

Well, yes, it is now confirmed. Julien is definitely at the Citadel. He is being trained up – or rather, he is completing his training – for a secret mission. Just like Kaleem all over again. He spent time at the Citadel before he went to live on Zandra secretly. Anyway, Julien has now communicated with me from the Citadel. He can’t tell me much about what he’s doing, what he has been doing or what he will be doing in the future. But he did say that I’m not to worry and that anyway, he’ll be known as Julienne from now on. And he will come back and explain when this is all over.

“When’s that likely to be?” I asked.

“That I don’t know,” he replied. “And I’m not just saying that because I have to. I really don’t know. And, yes, of course, I wouldn’t be able to tell you even if I did know.”

Well, I am relieved. But I’ll miss him. I guess Louish is right. I do need to get out more, meet more people my own age. So, that’s what I’m going to do. I’ll start tonight. I’ll find out what social meets are going on and tag along.

I’ve to go back to the Z Zone soon as well. I’m to go and meet some of the students who have progressed well though their schooling. Sadly, I’ll also be attending little Sarah’s funeral. But I think it will also be good to see the other Adulkis again.

Interesting little news snippet also. Someone – they didn’t say who – has challenged switch-off and Razjosh is going to be the test case. I am just so intrigued. I hope whoever it is does manage to pull it off.

Day 64 3520

2008-04-11T11:54:00.000-07:00

Well, now I know a bit more. Amazingly, through Louish, but indirectly. For once it wasn’t her who knew all the gossip. Well, I suppose she knew the gossip, but she didn’t really know any more than me in the end.

Louish arrived yesterday. She didn’t use the communicator. She just turned up at the apartment, and I said I was to pack some clothes for the beach. She cleared it with my boss. We were going to the Holo Riviera for a day or two. Honestly! That woman. But you have to give it to her. It was exactly what I needed. We’ll be heading back tomorrow. It’s been great. Just relaxing. Swimming. Sunlight-bathing. And talking to Louish. She is good company – even though she fusses a bit.

“You really must get out more, you know, my dear,” she said. “And it’s all very well you being here with me, but you need some company of your own age.”

Then she gave me one her looks.

“You’ve got to find a replacement for that silly grandson of mine,” she said, peeking at me though her eyelashes. “He is mad. Letting a gem like you get away. Stubborn, he is, like his mother and grandfather.” Then she wagged her finger at no one in particular. “Now, don’t get me wrong. I have every respect for Razjosh, and, well …” She hesitated and a faint sadness crossed her face. “I wish they’d get the switch-off stuff sorted before… before…. Well yes, I have every respect for him, but he may have gone just a bit too far with this Peace Child nonsense. Do you know, I have to pull Frazier up now and then? I think that’s why they let the attachments stay. To bring those bigheaded Elders down to Terrestra occasionally.” She gave me a hug. “And that’s what Kaleem needs to recognise. But he won’t. So give him a lesson. Find someone else … and if that other person makes you happy, well, Kaleem’s loss.”

She had a point, I suppose. I suddenly thought of Julien. And then she came out with it.

“Do you know,” she said in one of her whispers. “They’ve even captured a new young man. Like they did that time to Kaleem.” She looked round and started speaking even more quietly. “And they’re keeping him at the Citadel because he’s so good at disguising himself as a woman that they’re going to send him out somewhere as some sort of spy. After they’ve fully trained him.” She nodded and drew away from me.

I felt so relieved. So, that’s why he’d been taken away to the Citadel. I’m mean, I’m presumig she must be talking about Julien. And perhaps even the whole Julienne thing had been about him getting ready to work as a spy. I was relieved again. I’d found Julienne so convincing and thought she was funny, she was only funny because Julien was. Not kinky, then really.

“What’s this guy called?” I asked.

“I can’t quite remember,” said Louish. “John? Jay? Jules? Yes, Jules and the woman is Julie.”

That must be right, musn’t it?

Then I was surprised at how worried I’d been and then how relieved. Was Julien perhaps replacing Kaleem?

But oh no! If he was, he was another boyfriend who was being sent on a mission.

“So what are you thinking about?” asked Louish, waking me up from my daydream. She was grinning.

I felt myself flush bright red.

Day 62 3520 All Dark

2008-04-09T00:56:00.000-07:00

Oh, my God! It’s all happening at once. Everything.

Louish contacted me today. Kaleem is definitely off the planet. His work in the Z Zone has finished. They are all to be fully integrated now. The only difference is that they will not go through switch-off. And Louish then did one of those I’m-not-really-supposed-to-be-telling-you things.

She winked at me and then whispered: “They are going to start negotiations about ending switch-off for everyone. Frazier told me. The Stopes programme may have to be intensified of course. It’s highly likely that you’ll never have to face switch-off. Neither may even Frazier or I.”

“Will they do it in time for Razjosh?” I asked.

Her face dropped.

“Sweetie, I hardly think so.”

There was such a lump in my throat. I think Razjosh is a wonderful, kind and wise old man. It will hurt me to lose him. But I know that Kaleem will be so devastated. How will he function? It’s not just a matter of having someone to turn to when he needs advice. My brave Kaleem is capable enough of thinking out things for himself. But Razjosh is like a second grandfather to him.

Kaleem! I wonder whether he’s lonely. Does he ever think of me?

As if all of this was not enough, I then had a communication from the Z Zone. One of the Adulkis has died. Little Sarah. She was one of the most child-like of all of them. Always so sweet and well-behaved. She always liked to hold my hand when we went for a walk. She had a lovely smile, despite her crumpled face. She looked beautiful.

They don’t know exactly what happened. Just that when they went to wake them all, Sarah did not move. One of their carers realised what had happened and got the rest of them out of the way as quickly as possible. The medic came and confirmed that she had died. They said they’ll let me know about the results of the autopsy. At least they don’t think she suffered any pain. She just passed away quietly in her sleep. She had a smile on her face.

So, I needed a friend. I went to see Julien. Julienne would have done as well. There was no-one in. So, I had to go back to my apartment. Then I looked out of the window and saw them. He was being taken away in a transporter. I saw a droid guard hold his head down as he ducked to get in. They were taking him somewhere. So, he must have lied to me. He really is up to something he shouldn’t be doing.

It is all so dark. So very, very dark.

Day 57 3520 Julien

2008-04-05T05:03:00.000-07:00

Well, well, well. I did meet with Julien. And I did confront him about where he’s been going. He wouldn’t say, of course. But I came right out with it and said that I was beginning to think that he was a Hidden Information peddler. He looked shocked at first, and then he laughed.

“No, not at all,” he said. “That is so funny. If only I could tell you the truth. But I can’t.” Then he looked very serious and he carried on. “Really. It’s not that. Please don’t ask me again. The least you know the better. I’m on the right, side, honestly.” Then somehow, there was something else in his eyes. A sort of warning, I suppose.

Well, we all know they’re watching us and listening to us all the time, but they can’t see every gesture. I guessed the subject was off-limits.

Then he was back to his usual joking self.

And actually, yes, it was good fun to be out with a guy. He’d scrubbed up well and I’d been pleased to put on a bit of a show. We went to the most expensive nectar bar ever. It’s new and has only just opened. They have a lot more choice that normal. It was the Historical Night and all of the waiting staff – real people this time, not droids – were dressed up as people form the past. Once we’d got that little problem out of the way, we both relaxed and it was really good.

Not, of course, that there’ll ever be anything like that between me and Julien. I’m not ready yet, and I’m sure I’m not his type, if you know what I mean. But as a couple of friends, just having a good time ….

Then, there was yesterday.

I saw him go out as Julienne. I really didn’t know he did that to do with work. He was picked up straight away by a private transporter pod. My timing was great. I followed him out, just in enough time to see that the person sitting inside it was an Elder. I couldn’t tell which one – there was not enough time for that. But definitely an Elder. Not on official business either, because it didn’t have the Citadel Crest on the side. I’ve heard before that they are so often amongst us without us realising and Louish has told me about some of the things that Frazier has to do. I’m not sure she’s supposed to, but I can’t imagine Louish ever being able to keep a secret.

So there we are! What is he up to?

I’m really no wiser.

Day 52 3520 A Strange Meeting

2008-03-31T01:28:00.000-07:00

The most bizarre thing has happened. I was working away, feeling really pleased about the progress the Z Zoners are making. Then I suddenly got a communication from the Head of Education. She’s a strange person and everyone’s a bit afraid of her. She totally refuses to be known by her real name. She speaks quite sharply, but apparently, she’s worse with the men than the women. But anyway, she wanted me to meet up with her, and in the Reality Park, of all places.

Well, I met her just before noon this morning. She’s smaller than she looks on screen and older. Close to, you can see the wrinkles. In fact, she looks permanently worried. It was cold, as well, sitting outside this time of the year. But she said she didn’t want naybody to overhear us.

Anyway, of all things, she wanted me to tell her all I know about Julien. Well, I couldn’t tell her much and I actually chose to tell her even less than I do know. Not that it’s all that much, but there is that time he came back in such a state, and that time he went down into the cave systems.

She did tell me a few things that I didn’t know about him. That, just like Kaleem, he has no birth records. He doesn’t have a work record either. In fact, they didn’t know he existed. They suspect him of being a Hidden Information peddler.

It’s really scary. But I wish she hadn’t contacted me. He is my friend. I don’t want to have to give him away.

I popped round to see him. He was a bit distant, but we’ve arranged to go out tomorrow to one of the nectar bars. Hey, that sounds like a date. Me and Julien? Never. But even so, it feels good to be going out. Even if it is with a man who often dresses up as a woman. And even if it is just because he’s under suspicion.

You know, I should be worried, but actually I feel strangely excited.

Day 47 3520 Progress in the Zone

2008-03-26T01:47:00.000-07:00

We put the first of the Grade 6 learners though their tests today. We’re not testing the lower grades yet. And we’ve designed the tests so that they don’t feel like tests, anyway. They’re really not there to challenge the children. They’re just to show us how well they’re doing.

We don’t have to mark them. The dataserves do that, of course. But the results were spectacular. They were so good. That it’s been my job today to check about ten of them manually. Tedious! But the dataserves were absolutely right. Not only had these eleven-year-old Z Zoner kids passed, but they had got some of the highest marks ever.

It was just like Razjosh and Kaleem say. Give them the same tools that we have and they’ll do even better because they’re used to hardship and have learnt to make the most of what they have. So, give them a lot and they’ll do a lot with it.

I wonder, though, will they get used to it all and will they then sit back and get as fat and lazy as we are?

I wonder if we’re helping them in time to stop them all dying so young/ and will that mean that they’re going to outlive us? Because it is part of the agreement: no switch-off for former Z Zoners.

I also had a little message form Cheryl, who is now working with the Adulkis. Apparently, the better food, more fresh air and their specially designed learning program is actually making a better match between their real age and their mental age. Their mental age is going up and they are losing some of the ageing traits they had. Of course, we can’t actually make them younger. Most of them are over forty. But how long will they live, now? Will they have a Normal Zone life span?

I do wonder. I’d love to get rid of switch-off. But what if we’ve got disease back under control? Will that mean we will become over-populated? I suppose we could colonise more empty planets.

Actually, I also wonder, do I want to live forever? I don’t want to face switch-off, but the alternative might be going on forever and ever.

Hey, I’m getting depressing. I think I’d better get out more.

Day 42 3520 Razjosh

2008-03-19T01:53:00.000-07:00

I am totally depressed today. I couldn’t concentrate on my work and ended up watching the celebrations of Razjosh Elder’s life. It’s less than a year, now, to his switch-off. He still seems very active to me. And he’s certainly been so supportive to Kaleem.

Kaleem! How is he going to manage without that constant source of wisdom? It will all be down to him once Kaleem’s gone. What will the Z Zoners make of that? The man who persuaded the current Peace Child to work with them, now having to go through that very thing which made them turn to the Z Zone in the first place.

Razjosh was an unlikely Peace Child then. He was very popular when he was younger and also very athletic. Perhaps that explains why he is still so fit. He wanted to be a sports man. They watched him at all the school meets. Oh they do that. Creepy, creepy, creepy. I think that’s why they have all of the meets. Just so that they can see exactly what we’re like.

Anyway, they picked him because he was always defending the kids who were bullied. He even got into a fight with one of the bullies and ended up breaking the other kid’s jaw. Razjosh? Who would believe it? They took him in to a juvenile detention centre. While he was there, they watched him even more closely. Then someone saw that he was good at grammar and tried him with a couple of other languages. Just like Kaleem, he took to it straight away.

It was a bit sad, though. He had to leave a girlfriend behind.

Sounds familiar, or what?

Of course they didn’t give all of the details. They didn’t tell about him having been to Zandra three times. And I expect there are lots of other stories about places he went to that even Kaleem and I don’t know about.

They showed some video clips of him working in his study and he actually talked to the audience about some of his work. He didn’t talk about anyhting secret, and of course that meant he could really only talk about his studies, not about all the things he has actually done. Hidden Information and all that. But he seems such a wise, peace-loving, gentle old man.

How can we do without him? Why must we have switch-off?

Day 42 3520 Getting Scarier

2008-03-14T02:15:00.000-07:00

Now I am really worried about Julien. There is something very, very bad going on, I know it. I had to go to a meet today. It was such a bright sunny day, even though it was cold, that I decided to walk home and I came back across the Reality Park. The entrance to those cave passages was open again. I was tempted to go and have a look, but it was a bit scary and I decided that rather than do that, I really would confront him tonight. I would go round thee and demand to know what was happening.

Then, just as I’d made my mind to walk on, out he came, running. I’m not sure whether he saw me. I think I caught his eye but he looked away again. He was holding his head and blood was pouring down his face. He must have been attacked. I called him back. He must have heard. But he ignored me. He just carried on running – in the opposite direction from home.

And then – and this is really odd - I walked back home myself, as fast as I could. I decided to send him a message as soon as I got in. He replied straight away, and asked me to go down and see him. How did he manage to get there before me?There he was, as normal, joking and larking around and no sign of any injury. Mind you, he didn’t fool me. I guess he just used the same tricks with make-up as he does to create Julienne.

It’s worry, really worrying.

And as if that wasn’t enough, they’ve now announced the time and date of Razjosh’s switch-off. It was important enough to interrupt the normal broadcasts.

I wonder what Kaleem makes of that. If he’s in a position to know.

Day 36 3520 Progress in the Z Zone

2008-03-10T03:42:00.000-07:00

Day 36 3520 Progress in the Z Zone

The new courses for the Z Zoner kids have started. They are well into everything now. Amazingly, they already understand the new dataserves. At first there was a lot of messing around. They had to get used to the easier voice recognition systems, and the holoscening. So, there was a lot of excitement and experimentation, but now, amazingly, all those in the trial areas are working steadily. The test results are good – amazingly good, in fact, and they are making more rapid progress than normal zone kids. It really is incredible. So, perhaps it’s true: because they’ve had it so hard that they can make better use of what they do have. Will that fade after a while?

I’ve even had some more news of the Adulkis. They, too, are having it a bit easier now. The Housing Executive Committee has shipped out some quick-build units to give them some more comfortable apartments. They started erecting them three days ago and today, I’ve heard they are putting the finishing touches to the inside. The Adulkis and their helpers will be able to move in tomorrow. It will be so much nicer for them. They’ll be warm and dry all the time and they will be able to look out of nice windows. There is still some beautiful natural land in the Z Zone.

No more news of Julien. He called me up earlier today. He’s going to be away for a few days. I wish I could find out what he does.

There are some more people moving into this block today. I wonder whether there’ll be anybody interesting.

Day 30 3520 Down in the Caves

2008-03-04T00:52:00.000-08:00

I’ve done the wickedest thing to do, but also possibly the most daring thing I have ever done. I just happened to be leaving the building at the same time as Julien. He didn’t actually see me and I had this crazy urge to follow him.

That’s really such a freaky, sneaky thing to do, but I just had to. I’ve got to find out more about him. He does worry me a little. I like him too and I don’t want him to get into trouble. I guess I wouldn’t be able to stop him, though.

Well, he didn’t get into a transporter, so that made it easy. He walked – fairly briskly, I have to admit, so that made it difficult – over the Reality Park. He could have taken a public transporter. I’ve no idea why he didn’t. I had to keep some distance, from him, of course. But I could see that he was talking on his communicator. Did he walk because he wanted some privacy? That is worrying in itself.

I watched him go out of the entrance that’s near Kaleem’s old place. Kaleem showed me it once. I can’t believe he used to live there –and to think that that used to be the grand home of Marijam, Louish and Frazier, when Frazier was Head of Education.

Anyway, Julien then completely disappeared. The funny thing was, though, that the entrance to Kaleem’s old cave home was actually open. Could Julien be down there? And if so, why?

So, I went down as well. At least the old apartment was still locked up. No sign of Julien. I wonder who he was talking to? It did look as if somebody had been there recently. It couldn’t have been Julien, could it?

Anyway, I closed the place back up and made my way back to work. A quick meet with my boss, and then back to my own dataserve. Tomorrow, the lesson goes live for the Z Zoner kids.

Day 24 3520 Julien / Julienne

2008-02-28T00:33:00.000-08:00

Well, I met up with him or should I say her. She was as charming as ever and the irritation of the other day had gone completely. She was absolutely magnificent. She wore a loose silky tunic over tight, see-through leggings. The top was bright yellow with colourful flowers all over it and on her head was a really strange hat, made up of artificial fruit.

“You like my Carmen Miranda special, then, do you?” she asked winking, at me.

“Carmen Miranda?” I asked.

“Yes, darling,” said Julienne. “Famous personality of the 20^th Century who wore tall hats piled up with fruit. She has since become a figure of fun.”

She winked at me, and did a twirl. She was definitely back on form – her usual funny self. It’s the make-up that mazes me. She does not look like a man dressed like a woman. The make-up’s not plastered on. It’s really subtle. She just looks like a tall, big-boned woman, with a slightly falsetto vice.

It was a real laugh – it always is with Julien or Julienne, whichever. I even managed to get over being worried about him / her. I really wanted to ask her what she did for work. I almost did at one point. But then I just didn’t want to spoil the mood.

One strange thing did happen, though. Her communicator buzzed – the one in the apartment on her main dataserve. She answered in Julien’s voice. She didn’t put on visuals. I guess it was something to do with his work. She muted the communicator, and whispered to me that I should go and get another bottle of grape nectar out of the cooler in the kitchen.

When I got back, she wasn’t there. She’d gone through to her room to take the call.

She did come back just a few seconds late, but looked flustered.

“I don’t know. Work,” he said. And I do mean he. For an instant Julienne became Julien. There was a real shadow on her face. She actually looked frightened.

Then it passed and she was joking around as normal.

I hope there’s nothing wrong. He / she does me so much good. They’re both such a laugh. But I’m really curious now.

Day 18 3520 Julien

2008-02-23T03:55:00.000-08:00

Julien has appeared again. I bumped into him as I came into the block this evening. I’d been out for a jog in the Reality Park. I do like doing that if it’s not too hot, or to cold or raining. Oh here I go, explaining why most people prefer the holoscense for exercise. But really, the air is better outside. Is that because it’s not so perfect? They say the treated air is better. Who knows? But anyway: Julien.
He was just gong in as I arrived at the door. He looked a bit flustered when I bumped into him. He’d obviously been away. He looked tired, too, and wasn’t quite his normal cheery, confident self.
“Been on holiday, then have you?” I asked.
“Er, not exactly,” he said, nodding his head form side to side, but not exactly saying shaking or nodding his head.
“Well, you never told me, you were going away,” I said.
“Oh, well you know, last minute thing,” he replied. No joke. No smile in his eyes like there normally is.
“Was it a holiday or business?” I asked.
“Bit of both, really,” he replied. “Look,” he continued. “I’ve got a lot to sort out now I’m back. Do you want to do something tomorrow? Lunch?”
So, I’m going there tomorrow. I’m really curious now.
Then it occurred to me that I don’t even really know the basics about him. So, I asked my dataserve.
“Julien LaFonte,” it replied. “No records. Do you have this person’s identification number?”
Well, no, of course I don’t. That’s just not an interesting enough thing to know about a person.
But no records? Is he using a false name like Marijam did? No records at all, like Kaleem used not to have?
Now I’m really curious. I can’t wait until tomorrow. But will I be able to pin him down?

Day 12 3520 Depression

2008-02-18T10:08:00.000-08:00

Day 12 3520 Depression
So much for my New Year’s resolution.
I find myself incredibly sad and horribly lonely.
All I do is work.
Or mix with older people.
I haven’t got a witty thing to say.
I’m fed up with my appearance.
I’m sick of my own company.
The only friend in the world I seem to have is Julien. Or Julienne.
And I’ve not seen him or her since the New Year celebrations.
So, I took myself for a jog. In the real park, even though it was freezing cold. I think it did me some good, because I did feel better when I got back. They say we need exercise and sunlight. So. I’ll try to get some each day.
Then I decided to cook my own meal. Fungus, and sour cream and mange tout peas and pasta. Comfort food and easy to cook. Easy to eat, too.
I watched some of the entertainment channels for a while, but I actually fell asleep.
I’ll get over myself, I expect.
Tomorrow is another day.

Day 6 3520 Progress

2008-02-13T09:45:00.000-08:00

So, this is the plan then.
I’m actually going to be working with the schooling programmes. The first step, we decided, is to roll out new dataserves to all education age young people in the Z Zone. They will be working on programmes from their homes. But they will have lots of meets, and I’m going to be there at some of them.
I’m also going to start designing some of the programmes. I’ve managed to have a look at some of the schooling programmes they already have in the Zone. Actually, they’re not all that bad, and not nearly as primitive as we would have thought. There are some strange things, though. They still have a belief in some sort of god. I suppose that’s why all that about Babel and the Peace Child project made so much sense at the time. There’s some real mystery about some of the stuff. But what amazes me most is how inventive they are and how much they manage to make out of so little.
To think, though, that some of the stuff I’ve had to look at over the last few days would have been classed as Hidden Information less that a year ago. It’s odd how changes sometimes suddenly happen very quickly. We’ve had the Z Zone for- well how long? – and now it’s disappearing virtually overnight.
I’m starting the first programmes next week, and I’ve just taken some of the plainer Normal Zone ones. I think they’ll be easier. Most of it is information rich. It should get them up to speed on basic Normal Knowledge. I had a meet myself today and met some of the people I’ll be working with. They’re a friendly lot. We went to a nectar bar afterwards. That was quite nice. It made me feel quite civilized. Even so, I don’t think there’s anyone I’d want to get too close to there. I’ll just stick to Julien and Louish for the moment. Maybe my mother. My projects are my friends

Day 1 3520 New Beginnings

2008-02-08T00:56:00.001-08:00

A New Year then. Time to start again. I’ll really try to forget him, I’ve decided. I’ve only been kidding myself up until now. If I’m honest, I’ve hoped all the time he’d call, that he’d change his mind, that he’d send for me – take me back to the Z Zone or to wherever he is now. It’s just not going to happen. I know that now. So, New Years Resolution – get a life!
The President’s Laser Show last night was one of the best yet. It does get better every year. Really amazing. It ended up like one big holoscene of the type of cities we want to build, with everybody living together in peace. No Z Zone, of course. Then every single person had a halo of light round their head. I just don’t know how that did that.
I spent the day, then, today, with Louish, Frazier, Marijam and Gabrizan and my own mother. The authorities holoed some snow and we were able to ski. It was good watching some of the kids have snowball fights. I did fell a bit odd, though, me the only young person there, with all those adults. They’re all good company, of course, and even mother wasn’t too bad. But that’s part of the new regime. I shall go to a Social Meet as soon as I can. And I’ll do it regularly.
Tomorrow is Re-allegiance Day. I’ve decided that my mission statement is going to be to be a bridge between the Normal Zoners and the Z Zoners. And that is nothing to do with you-know-who. That’s my own idea.
So, today and last night a time to think about it all. Tomorrow it all begins.
I feel good about this. I feel really good.

Day 361 3519

2008-02-04T10:53:00.000-08:00

Three days ago was what they used to call Christmas. They used to give presents and have big meals with families and it was all to do with a prophet they called the Son of God. What or who is God, I wonder?
Well, Kaleem is supposed to be the fulfilment of a prophecy. He always used to say that Razjosh had told him that they made up prophecies so that they could make event fit them so if justified certain things happening. Well, maybe. But all that stuff about the Peace Child and the Babel Tower was just- spooky, really. Marijam still won’t talk about it all really. Yet when we were in the Z Zone, it all seemed as if it must have been real enough.
Anyway, day 358 was just like any other day. Except that it’s beginning to get lighter again. I try to always go out on sunny days and get the sun to shine on my head. They told me that at the hospital. It will stop me feeling so down.
I haven’t got time to be depressed, though. It’s hard and involved work, this reintegration of the Z Zoners into the Normal Zones. I was at a meet for all of Day 358. I met with six other people. Louish and Frazier also dropped by. Frazier is delighted that we are going to start with the children- in fact the second level of the education programme. They’re going to come into the Normal Zones for one meet a week. They’re all going to be supplied with modern dataserves. I’ve been asked to help write some of the programmes. In some ways it’s quite exciting.
There’s just this little doubt at the back of my mind. This is all very well, and it all seems nice and positive. But is it just to make us all feel better? Is it what they really want? Have we really got down to the bottom of what the problem was really all about in the first place?
Frazier and Louish have heard nothing from Kaleem. In fact, they asked me if I’d heard anything from him. Goodness knows what he’s doing now, ore even where he is.
I just really wonder whether it can ever be completely right, if we still have switch-off and they don’t. What’s going to happen to their children? If we haven’t discussed that properly, then we’re not really making any progress.
I hadn’t really thought about it myself, until Kaleem and I went into the Z Zone. We’d been bought up until then – well at least had – Kaleem has always been a bit different, partly because of hi father and partly because Marijam had spent so much time in the Z Zone – to take it so much for granted. But then, it was needed before disease came back to the planet. Otherwise, we’d have been totally overcrowded. Now, I’m not at all sure. Can anyone help me with this?

Day 355 3519The Party

2008-01-29T00:40:00.000-08:00

Well we did it. We had a party for Maisie. She was absolutely astounded. I was pretty surprised myself. Julien really did do her proud. I managed to organize some food. I had a few credits spare and Julien added a few more.
But it was the bubbling nectar that made it. It wasn’t the ordinary stuff. It was something he’d found which was made by the same methods as the old world drink they used to call champagne. Except that the grapes were grown in one of the glass houses and not out in the air as they would have been fifteen centuries ago. It really was a lovely drink though not all that strong. He insisted that we drank it out of veriglass – out of strange-looking tumblers with long thin stems which open up to form a tulip-like cup. Maisie was so excited that she broke the stem off two of them.
“Will you be in trouble for that?” I asked Julien. Those glasses must have been worth a lot of credits.
He just waved his hand. “Everything cost so much, darling, that that won’t make a bit of difference. I can still sell all the rest” He raised his glass. “Cheers!” he said.
He’d actually bought them then, not hired them? That all got me wondering what sort of job he does that he can find that many credits so easily.
“How can you afford all this?” I said
“Don’t ask,” he replied and put his fingers on his lips.
I’m sure he must be a full-time Hidden Information peddler. It’s the only explanation for all the credits and all the information he’s got.
You know, his eyes glazed over at that point. He definitely doesn’t want me finding out any more.
Maisie was amazed at having all of her work colleagues there. And one or two personal friends she hadn’t seen for a while. I have to give it to Julien. He did well there, whatever he did, legal or illegal. Everybody found it quite amusing, I think.
One thing though. I don’t think I’d like to have too many parties. It gets very noisy. The concierge came and told us off a couple of times. It was only a droid though. Julien suggested disabling it but we persuaded him not to.
It all makes such a mess too. Because people can’t sit down to eat they drop the food on the floor. Maisie’s house droid is one of those with a personality. It complained all the time as it cleared up. But the main thing is, you have really trivial conversations with everybody. You’ll probably never see these people again, so what’s the point?
But as a one off, it was fun.

Day 350 3519 Work and Play

2008-01-24T00:34:00.000-08:00

Well, the meeting with the Work Assessor went well. I was curious as to why we actually have to go in person. It’s one of those things that I would have thought we could do easily enough through the dataserves.
“We like to have a good look at you,” said the woman. “We get a much more accurate impression of you when we see you in reality.”
Well fine. But there was no way I could get a good impression of her. She had her hair scraped back so severely. They all wear the same uniform at the Work Assessment Centre. She did have an identification badge on, but only had a number, no name. It made me wonder for a short time whether she was actually just a droid. If she was just a droid, though, why was there so much fuss about seeing me in person? In the end I decided she was real. She was actually quite nice, despite all the formality.
So, it’s all decided. I will be engaged on the reintegration of the Z Zoners project. I can still work with Louish directly. I’m just to bill the hours and any hours I do for her will be offset against my core hours. She’ll be speaking with the new Head of Education soon, and then I expect she’ll be reporting to Frazier.
Julienne came round to see me yesterday evening. She looked gorgeous! Plenty of cleavage and silver silk. And on her minicompu she showed me all of Maisie’s work colleagues who are coming to the party.
“How did you do it?” I asked.
“Best if I don’t say,” she said and winked.
However she got the information, it was impressive. I wonder what Maisie will make of it. Not long till she goes now.
The other thing that Julienne managed to do – actually, she assured me it was Julien – was to obtain some top quality bubbling nectar. I’m to see to some food. I’m going to craftily find out what Maisie likes. I’ll try to see her tomorrow. It’ll be difficult not giving the game away, though.

Day 345 3519

2008-01-19T02:12:00.000-08:00

I’ve now decided only to post this log to people I trust. So I can really say what I mean. So, if you’re reading this, you’re one of the privileged few. So, it’s no longer a G-Log. It’s a Secret Log. You’ll see why when you read on.
I feel oddly empty now that our big project has finished. Louish has suggested I go on to work more generally on the integration of the Z Zoners into normal society. That sounds massive to me and it was clear from what happened yesterday that we have to tread carefully. We can’t rush at it. But that’s what I’m going to suggest at my Work Assessment this morning. Sick leave finishes soon.
Sick leave? On Terrestra? Who’d have thought it?
I bumped into Maisie in the corridor yesterday. She’ll be leaving soon, for a short while at least. They’re sending her to Melbin to work on a project there. Luckily as it’s one for forty-two days she’s allowed to keep on the apartment here and she’ll stay in an office hotel.
Then this morning I saw Julien in the lift again. I told him about Maisie leaving. He says we should have a party. Not many people do that any more. We’re all moving about so much all of the time. I guess the nearest I’ve seen to that was when Louish had all of her friends round for coffee and cakes and bubbling nectar. Party! Such an old-fashioned idea. But by the time the lift got to the bottom of the tower, I’d caught Julien’s enthusiasm.
“But we don’t know who her other friends are,” I said.
“Modern life, my dear, modern life,” he replied. “Anyway, I’ll come as Julienne and then I’ll go home again and come back as me as I am now. We could always invite a few droids.”
“Or holo a party,” I said. “Or call up the other people in the block.”
He suddenly started rummaging in his bag. He pulled out a small flat white object and a thin stick. He was writing in Wordtext! He handed it to me.
“I know someone who can hack into the systems. I could find out who her work colleagues are. You talk to her and see if she has any other personal friends.”
I felt myself go really hot. This was Hidden Information, surely? This was what he and his friend were playing with. They weren’t peddlers, were they?
I must have looked gobsmacked. He shook his head as if to say “Don’t react, they’re watching you.” In case you’re worried, don’t be. He’s got his friend to make this absolutely secure. Not even the info-crawlers will find it.
Well, he invited me to have a coffee in the little bar at the bottom of the tower. He then said very loudly. “We’ll just have to trick her into telling us who her workmates are, and invite them along, too. Want do you think? Bubbling nectar and canapés? Retro-muzak?” All for the sake of the spycameras, I guess.
You have to give it to him. He’s enthusiastic. But when I asked him about his work, he was completely vague.
“Oh, this and that,” he said. “You know how it is.”
He certainly gave me plenty to think about. So, I walked along the Dock Front instead of taking a transporter to the Work Assessment Centre.

Day 340 3519 The Adulkis at the Pleasure Park

2008-01-14T12:24:00.000-08:00

Well, it did go rather smoothly, on the whole. The ride form the border to the Pleasure Park was amazing. They were absolutely silent. Their mouths were open most of the time while Louish pointed out certain thngs to them. I think they thought they were dreaming.
In the Meet room, they listened ever so quietly. We told them about all the activities they would be doing and what to do if they wanted to stop or if they couldn’t see the rest of the group. But I don’t think there was any danger of anyone getting lost. They were all a bit nervous. So much quieter than they normally are. But they seemed to enjoy the wheat biscuits we gave them and the banana milk.
The Cinders Ash ride was a success and they livened up a bit then. It puts them all into the story. They had to choose who to be – there were Cinders, the prince, the fairy godmother, the two ugly sisters and the horrid stepmother. Or rats, or Butane, the servant. Funnily enough, there was an equal amount of all of them. I don’t think the Adulkis understood the story too well, but they enjoyed all the costumes and they really loved the gliding dance at the end. Most Normal Zoners know that story. It only occurred to me today what an appropriate little story it was for the Adulkis. Their lives are about to be transformed, too. What’s left of them.
They did find the climb up Ever Mountian a bit of a strain. We forget sometimes that they’re all getting old and that getting old, when you’re a Z Zoner can be quite painful. We’re so used to them tumbling around like small children. But bits of them don’t work so well any more. They had to holo them up most of the way. But they seemed to like the views.
They loved the Lily Gardens. They wanted to pick the lilies and we had quite a job stopping them. I explained that they could buy some from the shops to take back home, but of course, they couldn’t understand the idea of a shop, or even of buying things.
The picnic was nice and we were able to sit out in the Real Meadow. The sun was warm enough. Josie came and sat be me, and the insisted on holding my hand all the time afterwards. I was quite pleased, really. I thought they’d all forgotten me. It made me sad, remembering my time with them in the Zone. And remembering how proud Kaleem was of me. He said I was so good with them. They all started remembering me after lunch. You know, we always think of the Adulkis as really being so simple, but they were all tactful enough not to mention Kaleem to me. I think they understand a lot more than we think they do.
They loved the animals. And they did get so excited about feeding the goats and samese cats. More like the Adulkis I used to know. It was interesting watching the animals as well. It was almost as if animals understood them, too. They didn’t seem to mind how much they were prodded and pulled. They really seemed to understand that they were dealing with creatures who had perhaps even less understanding than they did.
We hologrammed them into apartments at London Harbour, on to Ski Mountian and then on to a veriglass floating transporter with views over F and G Zones. You should have seen their faces when we gave them the holograms. They were so proud. It’s all such simple stuff to us. We Normal Zoners take everything so much for granted. They were fascinated.
The shopping was fun. I think old-time shopping with tokens to represent credits would fool even us Normal Zoners. But they were coping with being able to choose, not understanding even how credits work, and the complexity of using the tokens. The staff there were getting quite worried. Then Louish got that gleam in her eye.
“Oh never mind,” she said. “Just let them have all they want. Charge it all to my account.”
They did choose some funny things to take back with them. But I’m afraid I did end up crying after all. Thomas bought me (well, he brought it out of the shop, goodness knows whether he or Louish paid for it) a fluffy monkey.
“He can be your boyfriend,” he said. “I can’t. I’ve got to go back to the Z Zone.” He looked so sad.
It was all over so soon. I had such a lump in my throat as I waved them goodbye. I’m just hoping I’ll be able to work with them in the future. And I hope we haven’t done any harm by showing them a bit the life in the Normal Zones.

Day 335 3519 Final Arrangements

2008-01-09T00:47:00.000-08:00

Louish and I have been working hard over the last few days. We have it all worked out now for the Adulkis visit. It’s going to run like this:
8.30 – They arrive at the Zone border. Louish and I shall pick them up. Travel by transporter pod to Pleasure Park. Louish and I will point out interesting sites for them.
9.00 In Meet room at Pleasure Park. Explanation of how day will run. Light refreshments.
10.00 Cinders Ash ride
11.00 Climbing Ever Mountain.
12.30 Stroll through Lily Gardens.
1.30 – 2.30 Picnic lunch. We’re going to give them very simple food. They’re going to be a little overwhelmed with impressions. The rides we’re taking them on are very gentle, but it is going to be a really big day for them, all the same. Still, we’ve asked their carers about their favourite foods and we’re going to make sure something’s included that’s a bit of a treat.
2.30 Visit to 24th Century Farm Setting. We’ve arranged for them to be able to feed some of the animals.
3.30 Photo session – we’re going to holo them into all sorts of Normal Zone settings, but nothing too dramatic. Just a gentle hint of how life could be come for them. We’re not sure how much they’ll understand, really.
4.30 Time to shop. They’re allowed a certain number of credits each. They’ll be able to take some small souvenirs back.
5.30 Farewell at Meet room.
6.00 Return to Z Zone
I’m sort of excited and scared at the same time about this project. I hope we are doing the right thing. I think form what I know they’ll enjoy it, and I don’t think it’ll make then too frustrated about returning to the Z Zone. Let’s hope.

Day 328 3519 Contact from the Adulkis

2008-01-04T06:46:00.000-08:00

I was so surprised today to get a communication form Sonja, one of the helpers I used to work with, when I was helping to look after the Adulkis. She actually managed to speak to me via the communicator. Her voice just came through loud and clear, right into my apartment.
That’s amazing in three ways – that she was actually allowed to do that, that they can do that already, and that she knew what to do. Of course, this also means that he’s done it. He managed to do whatever it was he was supposed to do there in the Z Zone. Doesn’t it mean that it’s not dangerous there for me? So why has he sent me away? And where is he now, and what’s he going to do next.
Who knows?! And I must stop caring.
But, anyway, Sonja. She was delighted that we are going to do this. They have started telling the Adulkis about it. Apparently they cannot believe that such a place can exist. They do have parks in the Z Zone, but nothing like the Pleasure Park. And Sonja seems pretty excited, too. I suppose it’s al going to be so surprising for the adult Z Zoners as well.
I hope it’s going to be all right. I hope it’s not going to be too much.
I can’t believe it’s all happening so quickly. I suppose I was out of it for a couple of months. But just before that, there we were, getting used to life in the Zone, and beginning to understand it a bit, and then meeting all of that hostility from Kevik and his followers. Now, suddenly, they’re coming to the Normal Zones to visit. The Z Zoners and the Normal Zoners are actually communicating. Just like the Terrestrans and the Zandrians. Kaleem again. Or was it Razjosh this time? No, I think he’s really just hanging around, waiting for switch-off.
Switch-off! I’ve never really thought about it that much. It’s so much part of Standard Knowledge. I guess we’re all trained to accept it. But I know Kaleem was finding it difficult. Especially as it’s going to happen to Razjosh soon. And I suppose, also, because he’s seen the alternative on Zandra and in the Z Zone.
But you know. It does bother me, now I stop to think about it. And there’s an irony. There are so many sick people in the Z Zone, who are in a lot of pain. Now if we used switch-off there…. But then, where do you draw the line? Would you then go and switch-off people like the Davidsons?
Hey, you guys, help me with this. I’m really struggling. Let me know what you think.

Day 323 3519 Visitors

2007-12-30T05:37:00.000-08:00

I’ve had the most amazing evening yesterday. I went to eat with Maisie Thomas as I’d arranged. She actually cooked most of the food herself. She has got a state-of-the-art Kitchen Robot and an Autochef, and she did let them do all the chopping and boring stuff, but she was actually watching something cook when I arrived. It was fantastic food. A sort of spicy soup to start with, and then roast meat – it was mixed meat, but form the Farmlands. I didn’t realise the animals actually live semi-wild there. They don’t have a Stopes programme, she said. They give birth naturally and I guess that means there’s also natural insemination. Maisie reckons it makes the meat taste better. She did some unusual vegetables with it – some of them were Zandrian, she said. I hadn’t actually realised we got anything from them other than the vaccines and antidotes. She was a bit vague about that. Intriguing! The dessert was brilliant too. A fruity ice-cream with chocolate curls. And of course we had nectar to drink. Grape nectar, she said. That’s all she’ll ever drink with food. It’s the nearest to the wines they used to drink. She’s really interested in that and how nectar works. I suppose it’s something to do with her being a chemical analyst.
We really do get on well. We just didn’t stop chatting. She’s really interested in the Z Zone and I told her so much. She thinks it’s good what we’re going to do for the Adulkis.
Then the most extraordinary thing happened. The communicator buzzed. It was quite late by then, so we were a bit wary. But, on the other hand, the nectar had made us a bit mellow.
“Perhaps it’s some handsome man come to ravish us,” she said.
Then she switched on to visual.
“It’s Julienne,” she said.
She irised the communicator and let her in.
She was unbelievable. You just couldn’t recognise her as Julien. She was wearing a really glamorous blue satin tunic and white silk leggings. She was really well made up, too. I don’t mean silly. But she looked really pretty and feminine. She had a big diamond ring on her finger. Her hands didn’t look big at all, and yet when I met Julien the other day, he looked quite big and well built. I didn’t notice that he had small hands, particularly. It must have been the ring that did it.
The first thing she said was “I’d heard you were having a girl’s night in, so I’m hoping you don’t mind if I join you!”
Amazing. You really would not believe she was really a man.
We all three of us got along so well. Two great new friends I have there.
Deleted section
She’d brought along some peach nectar. It went down really well after that fabulous dessert Maisie had made. It seemed ages before the bottle locked. I’m sure we drank more than we were supposed to. I have a feeling that Maisie’s manipulating a few things in that apartment … Goodness, I hope she’s not into Hidden Information.
No, never. Well not much, anyway. I think she’d be careful. They’re getting less strict about it now, anyway.
Shouldn’t have mentioned that. I hope no-one saw it.

Day 318 3519 Starting the Project in Earnest

2007-12-26T02:56:00.000-08:00

We have made great progress with the project today. I’ve actually spent most of my time at the Pleasure Park, talking to the people who run it. It really is amazing these days. It is so convincing. All those things to do and it is no bigger than an average meet building. They insisted that I tried some of the rides, including the new real space one. It uses all the old materials and it is mechanical. No cyber-workings. No patches to be worn– except something to neutralise what you have had before. They were really proud of that. They should be, too. It takes up three times the actual sapce it’s set in. They won’t say how they’ve doen it. However, I wonder whether the Adulkis will be impressed. Most of their technology is mechanical.
In fact, I was a bit worried about whether their delicate systems would cope with the ride-enhancing drugs. They couldn’t comment at the Pleasure Park. We’ll have to talk about that to the medics. I actually think that they will be totally gob-smacked at just being in the Normal Zones. I’m even wondering whether it might not been too much for them anyway. I mean, even their helpers will be astounded, unsure perhaps.
We did at least decide which rides they’ll try. Definitely not the Tower. That is quite scary when it begins to topple. You really are convinced that those huge brick are falling down on you. On the other hand, the stories that you hear when the words start getting clearer …. You can actually do the stories separately. The Miller’s Sons one is quite gentle. And we thought they’d enjoy the Animals of the Universe too. They’ll even manage the Ascent of Ever Mountain, though the guys there did suggest having it not quite so cold for them and putting on extra harnesses – not all of them walk that well anymore.
I really enjoyed the Cinder Ashes ride. You actually become this young girl who is cruelly treated by her step-sisters. Though I gather the men have to become the prince. It’s a good fun simulation. They’ll love the brightly coloured ball gowns and suits – though I’m sure they’ll have no idea how to move in them.
We also thought about letting them have a walk in the Water-Lily garden. And then the Pleasure Park is going to put a picnic on for them – 24th Century Farm Setting. I’m sure they’ll enjoy that.
I communicated with Louish when I got back. She’s arranged for me to visit the medics tomorrow. I have to have a check-up myself, so it’s a good way of combining the two things. She’s going to talk with the people in the Z Zone. We’ve booked provisional dates with the Pleasure Park – Day 349. It gives us s bit of time – not too much that we’ll get complacent, though.

Day 312 3519 New Friends

2007-12-20T00:59:00.000-08:00

I’m really getting to like my new place now. I’ve got some sort of routine going now, and Louish has been in touch re the Adulkis. She asked me to plan the day for them. I’ve almost completed that now. I really enjoyed doing it.
Best of all, though, I’ve got to know a couple of new people. Maisie Thomas and Julien LaFonte. Masie called by to welcome me to the block. She says that people basically keep themselves to themselves, but do keep an eye out that everyone is okay. It can be quite odd, with so many living alone now. You could die and no-one would notice. Even the monitors might not pick it up. Not soon enough anyway. So, there’s a system for everyone making sure that they’ve seen their neighbours every couple of days and we let our “buddies” know if we’re going away.
I actually asked her in for coffee. She accepted and we had a really good chat. She, too, has just lost the love of her life. He’s accepted a post on the other side of Terrestra. That should not normally be a problem, these days. Except that he met someone else. Someone he preferred to her. How cruel. How sad. At least Kaleem claims he still loves me.
She’s working as a chemical analyst, and is getting to look at how the Zandrian antidote and the vaccine against Starlight Express disease are changing in connection with the Terrestran version of the disease.
We really got on well. She’s invited me to eat with her next Saturday.
Julien LaFonte lives two floors down. I met him when the lift jammed and then the robot that came to repair it blew a fuse or something and started swearing at us. It actually became quite threatening and Julien managed to disable it. That meant, though, that we had to walk down the stairs to get help and it was quite hard convincing the concierge droid that Julien had had to damage the robot or we might have got hurt. That droid is amazingly humanoid. He claims to distrust Julien because “he’s a sad old queen who thinks he’s a woman.” Julien said that the machine was wrong. At times, it was true, he did become Julienne and wore a wig and a woman’s tunic. He liked to keep in touch with his feminine side. But he was not a “queen” – a 20th Century word for homosexual. Those genes had been well and truly irradicated, and he certainly wasn’t a throw-back.
But Julien was incredibly funny. He has eyes that crinkle up when he smiles. He’s promised he will come and visit me one day soon, but he’ll come as Julienne. I’m looking forward to that. He seems like fun.
So, new friends then. The light gets brighter.

Day 308 3519 My New Apartment

2007-12-16T04:05:00.000-08:00

It has been hectic since I last posted this Global Log. I’ve taken the plunge, inspired by how quickly Marijam and Gabrizan found a lovely apartment and have settled in and got out of Louish’s way. I decided it was time for Louish to have her life back and it was time for me to get on with mine and stop moping about. So, I went home-hunting as well.
I’m writing this from the new apartment. I found it three days ago, moved in two days ago, on the 306th and now everything is sorted. I’m still a little dependent on Louish: she used her credits to put down a deposit and she’s paying the first twenty-day period rent. Just until everything on the Adulki project is finalised and then I’ll have a proper income, and not have to rely on Social Credit.
So it means that I’ve got this place which is a little nicer than what I could otherwise have afforded. It’s quite a quiet building, though there are plenty of people my age living there. It’s in the block next to where Louish and Frazier used to live, though of course my apartment is much smaller than the one they had. Even so … compared with the Z Zone. I do have the same lovely view that they had of London Harbour and I quite like watching the Supercraft docking and taking off. There's still so many coming from Zandra, and they till need our acorns even though they’re now getting a supply grown there.
I think it is going to get a bit lonely soon. I’ve been so busy the last couple of days, getting this place the way I want it. But all the systems are working now. I’m hooked up to all the services. I’m back on the map. I’ll be getting some assignments soon, and then the Adulki project will kick in full tilt in the next few days. The future’s looking a bit less grim.
But, hey, all you Wordtext users, is my G-log not interesting enough for you? And all my former friends haven’t you learnt to write Wordtext yet? Or perhaps you can read it but can’t write it yet? Well reply in multimedia, then. I just feel a bit at the moment as if I’m talking to a void. I’m dying to hear from you all. A few comments might make me feel less lonley.

Day 302 3519 Marijam and Gabrizan

2007-12-10T15:35:00.000-08:00

Marijam and Gabrizan have been here five days now. They have decided to stay on Terrestra a while. Marijam has found an exciting new project. She’s actually going to be involved with the reintegration of the Z Zone. She may be working with Kaleem, wherever he may be. Gabrizan has managed to persuade the Plantation governors on Zandra that he should do some work here. He’ll be looking more closely at plant-life here, in particular the evolution of the Common Oak – the plant that is saving Zandra. It is interesting. It’s already responding to the rapid season cycles on Zandra.
Marijam and I talked about Kaleem yesterday. I almost envied her and Gabrizan but then remembered how many years she’d been without him before they met again. I’ve only been without Kaleem for a couple of months, and anyway, for much of that time I wasn’t really with it. But she seems to understand why … he’s left me, or rather, why he’s made me leave him.
Tomorrow, they are looking for an apartment and so am I. Louish is complaining that she is going to feel lonely. She has got used to having me around, she says. And then with her own daughter here as well. She says she has been spoilt.
Louish, lonely, never. Anyway, we have the Adulki visit to organise.
I’ll probably be a little lonely. But then, I’ll be busy too.
Somehow I’m lightening up a little. I’m actually beginning to see my life getting back on some sort of track.
Though I’ll never forget thinking of him every night, just before I go to sleep.

Day 297 3519 Mothers

2007-12-05T00:59:00.000-08:00

Well, in the end, it wasn’t too bad, I suppose. She has agreed not to bad-mouth Kaleem. In fact, as far as my family is concerned, the whole Kaleem subject is off limits. I have said I will go and see them. But I’m not going to go and live there. As soon as I’m completely well, I shall find my own apartment and start my own life. I really consider Louish, Marijam and Gabrizan my family now. I suppose I’m still trying to keep a connection with him.
She arrived mid-morning, carrying a huge bunch of flowers. Flowers! That’s what you get from strangers, best friends or from lovers. Not from your mother. You want love and comfort form your mother. But she’s never been all that good on that score. Then I offered her coffee. Louish got out of the way. There we sat making compliments to each other, not getting down to the real matter in hand. I noticed she looked pale She remarked that I looked better than the last time she saw me, and that Louish had done well, persuading me to dress in something more colourful.
Then, after two hours of skirting round it all, we began to really talk. She said she’d always admired Kaleem and thought that he was basically a trustworthy kind of person, and that she was just shocked that he had left me. I tried to make her see that he’d really only done that because he thought it would be safer for me not to be associated with him. Yes, I was hurt by that, but on the other hand, I appreciate that he’d done it because he cared about me. She conceded in the end that that had been a caring thing to do, but she could see that I was still upset, and of course she was upset that I was upset. So, she finally said it, she would not say another word against him. In the end we agreed that we would not talk about him again as we both got so upset.
Louish then called us for lunch, which was pleasant enough. Afterwards Louish and I showed her around the Attachments’ Compound. She was impressed. I’ll miss the place when I leave. I guess Elders’ attachments are rather special people. The facilities are great here, but it’s the way people are that give it its really special atmosphere.
Well, she’s left now and I’m exhausted. But tomorrow Marijam and Gabrizan arrive. We’ll spend a coupe of days entertaining them and the I think it will be down to business with the Adulkis.

Day 392 3519 Life Goes Slowly

2007-11-30T00:10:00.000-08:00

So here I am, all settled now in Louish’s apartment. I thought I would find it odd, living in a community made up of lots of older ladies. But it’s fine. They’re pretty feisty ladies, actually. Are they the women behind the men? Can men only become Elders if they have a good woman behind them? Now there’s a thought. I wonder whether one day they will have female Elders. We have women do everything else, after all.
Actually, though, Louish and I have been pretty girly since I’ve been here. We’ve done loads of shopping. And we even went out – my first time out in public – to the new Reality Shopping Mall. You go there and pick the clothes off a rack. You have to get some tokens when you arrive. You hand them over and take the clothes. You actually look in mirrors with them on, instead of using probationary imaging. It was an experience. Just to think, they used to shop like that all the time, ten thousand years ago. Anyway, I’ve got a load of new tunics, some jewellery, leggings and I’ve changed my hair colour. She didn’t say so, but I’m guessing she was thinking that was a good idea to stop people recognising the ditched ex-partner of the Peace Child. Oh, she’s persuaded me to a few brighter colours than I’d normally choose, and you know, I actually like them. They seem to give me a lift. I suppose I’d got too used to the greyness of the Z Zone.
No more words about the Adulki visit. I’m getting restless. Is this a sign that I’m getting better – from the fall and from Kaleem? She did say the other day, when we arrived here, she wouldn’t go ahead with it until I’d seen my mother. Daughters and mothers need to be together. Well, we all know what she means by that. “Get your own backyard sorted out first,” she said. She’s probably right. But I’m not looking forward to it.

Day 287 3519 Louish’s Idea

2007-11-25T04:53:00.000-08:00

I have been so excited about what Louish suggested. The staff at the Medical Centre kept telling me off. They said I have to try and keep calm, that keeping quiet will help me to get better quicker.
But Louish’s idea is so cool.
She’s going to invite the Adulkis over here. She’s going to take them to all to Pleasure Park. They’ll love it. They’ll absolutely love it. And it will be so lovely to see them again.
I did say I was a bit worried that it might be so nice for them that it will be horrible for them to go back to the Z Zone. But then she told me her plan was even bigger than that. They are going to come into the Normal Zones permanently, not straight away, of course. Gradually, gradually.
We’re all having to pay for the Z Zone now. And so we should. Kaleem has done his work so well. The Z Zone is to go. The last major sticking point has been overcome. No Z Zoner will be switched off. Switch-off will still exist for the rest of us, of course. What a surprise that would be – if a Z-Zoner then lived beyond Switch-Off age. It’s unlikely. No matter how much we care for them now, the damage has already been done.
It’s sad about the Adulkis. They don’t have much longer. Nor Narisja.
There's so much to think about now.
There’s a shadow, though. He has done so well, and we don’t even know where he is now. He won’t communicate with any of us. Oh, Kaleem, what are you thinking. If you happen to read this ….
No, mustn’t think like that. Too much else to think about today.
I’m getting out of here. Normal clothes, normal food, normal life. I’m going to go and stay with Louish. Marijam and Gabrizan will be here soon. They’re worried about Kaleem, too, but they’re also saying they’re sure that he knows what he’s doing.
I’ve even agreed to see Mother. She’s agreed not to say anything bad about Kaleem. I’ll see her next week. Once I’ve had a little time to get used to the outside.
Must go now. Must pack.

Day 282 3519 Louish Kennedy

2007-11-20T19:36:00.000-08:00

Louish Kennedy has been to see me every day for the last five days. She is a good deal of fun. It’s almost like having a big sister. Yet there’s such an age difference between us actually. For goodness sake, she’s Kaleem’s grandmother. Yet she seems no older than my mother. And much more fun.
It seems that she’s having great fun, living with the Elder attachments. They do enjoy themselves. She’s up to all sorts – putting on plays, making films, designing clothes and doing some charity work. She said she’d like me to help with that, when I’m stronger. I think I’d like that.
Of course, we did talk about Kaleem. She says she can’t understand what he’s thinking. But there’s probably a good deal of his father in him, and look what he did. She made it all a little bit worse by telling me how much she still sees of Frazier and how long they’ve been together. But I can understand that. She shudl be proud that she’s ben with her man for so long.
She’s quite a woman, Louish Kennedy. She always dresses so elegantly. She’s allowed her hair to go white and it’s lovely. She had a deep blue tunic on today, all shiny and silky. She says I must have some new clothes and have my hair fixed, and I’ll feel all new and ready to begin life again. I wonder.
Well, she may have a point. And it did cheer me up seeing her. She says she’s going to tell me something really exciting tomorrow – she’s just waiting for one more bit of information. I’m actually finding I’m looking forward to that just a little bit. Perhaps I am beginning to get better.

Day 277 3519 Recovering

2007-11-16T00:34:00.000-08:00

I think I now know why we used to be so keen to keep disease out. I’m not used to pain. I don’t want another week like this last one. I’d swear it was worse this time than when I was originally hurt. I suppose then I was so out of it that I didn’t really notice it so much. But this is odd: they’ve taken a perfectly healthy person and made them sick.
It really, really hurt. And they wouldn’t let me have anything for the pain. That was the point, they said. I need to feel the pain so that I learn from my own body. Of course, what they have done is cut into me – and that bit’s sore – then rummaged around inside – I feel bruised inside – and then there’s left what should have been there before.
Never mind! Today I am up and dressed. Up! That’s a joke. I can hardly stand, and moving is painful. They’re making me do it though, step by step. And I am in my own clothes.
I’m to have a visitor this afternoon. Louish Kennedy is coming to see me. I really like that woman. I just hope I don’t break down in front of her. I’m curious to know what she thinks of what Kaleem has done. I can’t expect her to be on my side. I do like her. Just a pity she’s Kaleem’s grandmother. We’re going to have to talk about him. If only I could just talk to her as a friendly person. Because, that’s what she is. Not Kaleem’s grandmother. Not the attachment of an Elder. My mother wants to come. I’ve still said no. I won’t listen to what she says about Kaleem.

Day 270 3519 Potential Pain

2007-11-09T01:24:00.000-08:00

They’re now telling me I’m probably going to have some pain. Physical pain, that it is. On top of all this other pain. But at least I will be well again. I’ll be completely whole.
That is something else Kaleem has done for me. And I have to love him, even though he’s really hurting me right now.
Because of Kaleem, because he brought real doctors, good doctors from Zandra, they were able to operate on my back and I can walk and feel and everything, really. But today they’re going to take out the pain blocker. They tell me I need to feel the pain so I don’t overstrain the muscles in my legs and my back. Now that I’m mobile again there’s the danger that I might try to do too much. Do too much? I don’t want to do anything. Just sit here in my room and think about him. Think about him and imagine that we’re still together. We are still together. I’m a part of him forever.
This is sad. Really sad, and you’ll probably never want to read my G-Log again after I tell you this: I’m looking forward to the anaesthetic. That feeling as you go under that you may never come back. The complete oblivion. The trouble is, it only lasts for a few seconds and then you’re awake again.
No breakfast today, and I’m already in my rather elegant theatre tunic (joke!). I’m really writing this to take my mind off it. Yes, I’m looking forward to the oblivion, and in some ways I relish the thought that I might not come back, but I do admit that frightens me as well. Where do you actually go if you don’t come back? And if I do come back and something has gone wrong? I’m walking now, but if they make a mistake…
No. They don’t make mistakes. It’s a Zandrian consultant who is going to do the deed. I’ll be fine.
Oh. Here comes the nurse. Time to go, I think.

Rozia's G-Log Day 265 3519 (The first day)

2007-11-04T12:43:00.000-08:00

They tell me it is time to start living. I’m well again, so they say, and I’ve got to get interested in life again. That I’m lucky to be alive, in fact. That perhaps I should start posting the Global Log again. I used to be good at it. Everybody liked watching my log.
So, here we go. But, ha! I’m using Wordtext. Partly because I know what’s coming. “So what’s he like, then as a lover? The Peace Child? Is he good in bed?”
He is a wonderful lover. Sweet, gentle, and at times passionate. Wonderfully losing control. Always honest. And yes, I do have something to compare it with. I was certainly not a virgin the first time we slept together. Neither was he.
That’s it now. I’ve said it. So, I’ll never have to answer that question again.
You’ll only get the answer if you can read Wordtext. Gosh, Kaleem’s good at it. He can key it in faster than you can say the words. But this has taken me almost a Terrestran hour so far.
He’s still there, in the Z Zone, and he won’t answer my communicator. He could, but he won’t. He said he was sending me back because he loves me. He said he can’t be with me because he loves me. It’s too dangerous, to be the Peace Child’s partner.
The Adulkis keeps sending me messages.
I have to go now. I have to go and cry. Is this G-Log a good idea? I really don’t know.