Friday, 22 February 2013

Day 277 3519 Recovering

I think I now know why we used to be so keen to keep disease out. I’m not used to pain. I don’t want another week like this last one. I’d swear it was worse this time than when I was originally hurt. I suppose then I was so out of it that I didn’t really notice it so much. But this is odd: they’ve taken a perfectly healthy person and made them sick.
It really, really hurt. And they wouldn’t let me have anything for the pain. That was the point, they said. I need to feel the pain so that I learn from my own body. Of course, what they have done is cut into me – and that bit’s sore – then rummaged around inside – I feel bruised inside – and then there’s left what should have been there before.
Never mind! Today I am up and dressed. Up! That’s a joke. I can hardly stand, and moving is painful. They’re making me do it though, step by step. And I am in my own clothes.
I’m to have a visitor this afternoon. Louish Kennedy is coming to see me. I really like that woman. I just hope I don’t break down in front of her. I’m curious to know what she thinks of what Kaleem has done. I can’t expect her to be on my side. I do like her. Just a pity she’s Kaleem’s grandmother. We’re going to have to talk about him. If only I could just talk to her as a friendly person. Because, that’s what she is. Not Kaleem’s grandmother. Not the attachment of an elder.
My mother wants to come. I’ve still said no. I won’t listen to what she says about Kaleem.    

Saturday, 16 February 2013

Day 271 3519 Potential Pain

They’re now telling me I’m probably going to have some pain. Physical pain, that it is. On top of all this other pain. But at least I will be well again. I’ll be completely whole.
That is something else Kaleem has done for me. And I have to love him, even though he’s really hurting me right now.
Because of Kaleem, because he brought real doctors, good doctors from Zandra, they were able to operate on my back and I can walk and feel and everything, really. But today they’re going to take out the pain blocker. They tell me I need to feel the pain so I don’t overstrain the muscles in my legs and my back. Now that I’m mobile again there’s the danger that I might try to do too much. Do too much? I don’t want to do anything. Just sit here in my room and think about him. Think about him and imagine that we’re still together. We are still together. I’m a part of him forever.
This is sad. Really sad, and you’ll probably never want to read my G-Log again after I tell you this: I’m looking forward to the anaesthetic. That feeling as you go under that you may never come back. The complete oblivion. The trouble is, it only lasts for a few seconds and then you’re awake again.
No breakfast today, and I’m already in my rather elegant theatre tunic (joke!). I’m really writing this to take my mind off it. Yes, I’m looking forward to the oblivion, and in some ways I relish the thought that I might not come back, but I do admit that frightens me as well. Where do you actually go if you don’t come back? And if I do come back and something has gone wrong? I’m walking now, but if they make a mistake…
No. They don’t make mistakes. It’s a Zandrian consultant who is going to do the deed. I’ll be fine.
Oh. Here comes the nurse. Time to go, I think.    

Monday, 11 February 2013

Rozia’s G-log Day 265 3519

So, here we go. But, ha! I’m using Wordstext. Partly because I know what’s coming. “So what’s he like, then as a lover? The Peace Child? Is he good in bed?”
They tell me it is time to start living. I’m well again, so they say, and I’ve got to get interested in life again.  That I’m lucky to be alive, in fact. That perhaps I should start posting the Global Log again. I used to be good at it. Everybody liked watching my log.
He is a wonderful lover. Sweet, gentle, and at times passionate. Wonderfully losing control. Always honest. And yes, I do have something to compare it with. I was certainly not a virgin the first time we slept together. Neither was he.
That’s it now. I’ve said it. So, I’ll never have to answer that question again.
You’ll only get the answer if you can read Wordtext. Gosh, Kaleem’s good at it. He can key it in faster than you can say the words. But this has taken me almost a Terrestran hour so far.    
He’s still there, in the Z Zone, and he won’t answer my communicator. He could, but he won’t. He said he was sending me back because he loves me. He said he can’t be with me because he loves me. It’s too dangerous, to be the Peace Child’s partner.
The Adulkis keeps sending me messages.
I have to go now. I have to go and cry. Is this G-Log a good idea? I really don’t know.